July 15. 2013 – July 19. 2013

I have finally reached the FINISH LINE!

This cycle was passing by so slowly and yet so quickly. I was impatiently waiting for the last day to come to finally be able to say that I am officially done; yet the hassle of needle insertion was still troubling me. The nurses were still having a hard time to find a good vein. On the first day of treatment, the nurses, somehow, were able to convince me to leave the IV in for 3 days! My veins are now “corrupt” and it was taking too long to insert the needle and start with the treatment. The only reason I agreed to leave it in for 3 days (you can’t leave it in for longer) was because I knew I would be able to remove it at home if it bothered me a lot. So I was relieved. What I realized is that on each treatment floor, there is an IV nurse. All nurses know how to put in an IV, but some are more skilled I guess. So if you are having trouble with your vein, just ask for an IV nurse, nothing to be ashamed of. It also hurts much less if they warm your arm with hot packs really well before needle insertion. It was annoying leaving it in for 3 days but it was worth it.

I had sleepless nights the last 2 days. The day before the last, I was singing, “Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow” by Annie, and the night of the last day, I was singing, “I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it” by The Pointer Sisters. Those songs were echoing in my head all night long. And finally the last day has come!! I was full of excitement. It was the only day I arrive early way before my appointment. That day went by sooo smoothly, and the needle insertion did not hurt at all. Happy ending :). The nurses congratulated me, and said, “Hope we don’t ever see you again!”

Ironically, when I was actually done, I was really ecstatic. But for some reason, I did not feel as if it was over. I shared with my close family & friends that I am officially done but I felt there was still something missing. During my last chemo session, the nurse told me that I needed to end this chapter, I needed to celebrate with the closest people to be able to open a new chapter. I really did not get what she meant by that. I was worried, “why am I not getting the feeling that I am really done?” Maybe if I heard the words from my Doctor I would believe it more. Or maybe because I am still experiencing fatigue, and when I start getting my energy back, I’ll actually feel that I am done. Well it took me a few days to realize why I wasn’t getting that feeling. I was planning on leaving NYC 2 weeks after my last treatment, and I was so looking forward to going out and celebrating. Yet, days later, I felt like I just want to go back home. I wasn’t even in the mood to go out, not even shopping!! I felt like I need to go back to where I left off. I needed to go home. That was the only way I can put everything behind me. And that’s exactly what the nurse meant. I needed closure, a happy one :).

Now that I know I am going back home earlier than planned, I feel much better. Days are passing by so quickly, and I just feel like I want everything back. My taste buds, my morning coffee, my cravings, my energy, …. So excited to have all that back! I miss it!

I will always look back at this journey with a smile. I am so grateful I made it through, and even more thankful for those who helped me make it through. It’s a small adventure in my life that has changed me in so many different ways and I am now more than ever ready to get on my feet and move on to a new chapter.

A take home message, Cancer is in your mind, if you take it out of your mind, it will be out of your body.


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