It’s hard, very hard! I didn’t think it would be that hard. I can’t stop using the word “hard”. Does he hate me for leaving him?
First day was great. He was happy and excited. Picked him up 2 hours later and he was fine. But then, it didn’t continue that way. On day 2, he cried. The third day, it was worse and it kept getting worse from here. He was crying more and more. What am I doing? Why am I sending him to nursery? When will he settle? They say at this age it would take 2-3 weeks! Am I letting my son cry for hours? Will he start hating me? Am I doing the right thing?
Emotional roller coaster!
I need to let go. I need to let go of my thoughts and worries. He needs to integrate and be around kids. He needs to get out there and learn; he needs to be independent, and yes at this age. I sometimes think sending him to nursery isn’t a good idea because of his food allergies; I may be increasing the risk of an allergic reaction, as I am not “there” to make sure he is safe. Yet again I can’t always be there.
I felt like I let go a part of me. Someone else was taking care of the most precious thing in my life. Will he be given the same attention as I give him? He is everything in my life, how can I just send him off for 4 hours and a half? Well, he needs it! We both do!
Guess what? Fourth day was better! The first hour wasn’t that great, crying on and off but then he was fine! He played, he danced, and he was happy. My heart smiled when I was told he was doing well.
You will never know whether you are doing the right thing for your kids. It’s always an internal debate. You just need to remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing. In the end, we, as parents, try to do OUR BEST for them, or at least what we think is best for them. We are not perfect, but we try to be. I think I can comfortably say I made the right decision about sending him to nursery. I need to be strong for myself and for him; I need this time off and so does he. It will take time for him to adjust but I see the light.
[Note to my son – if he ever reads it: Mama loves you and I am sure you are laughing at me reading this!]
I want you to know that you’re doing a great job. I know that you can be a good parent,not just a mother. I know that if there is a person more proud than I am is your parent as well. Because you become like them. And I ‘m sure when Nadeemo read this in the near future yes he will laugh,but I am sure that he will love you more and tell you Mommy I am so lucky to have you.